The 2016 Pre-Ghosties were a severe mess this year. In a severe overestimation of my own awesomeness, I attempted to live-blog the ceremony during the 58th Annual Grammy Awards… But, well, wine got in the way. We’re now at the point where nobody cares about music that came out in 2015, which is okay, because this award show has and always will be entirely irrelevant!
Welcome to the second annual Pre-Ghosties! This thrilling award show was created in January 2014 as a direct response to the poor decisions of the National Academy of Recording Arts and Sciences. You won’t have to sit through thousands of questionably bland live performances to find out who wins, and most likely, we won’t give any awards to blatant homophobes, members of the Church of Scientology or gay substitute teachers for Adele.
Unfortunately, we also won’t be giving any awards to Beyoncé for the following reasons—1) Her album technically came out in 2013, 2) We don’t have weird cutoff date ranges like the action Grammy Awards, and 3) “7/11” is a fun song, but spoiler alert, it wasn’t fun enough to win in its category. We hope that’s a sufficient explanation for the Bey Hive and Kanye West, because we assure you that we are, indeed, bitches who bow down.
Now that we’ve got that out of the way, let’s move on to this year’s nominees and winners! Please that note that, if you are unfamiliar with any of the artists below, you can click the name of their song or album to take a quick listen. Additionally, a sampler of all nominees can be heard on Spotify… And, well, if it’s not one-hundred percent obvious, winners are presented in bold text.