hip-hop

allegra: dream house & comic book luv.

dl: ALLEGRA – Dream House (Z – YSI)
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You’ve probably realized that I have no shame if you’ve been reading this blog long enough. Even if I’m a Katy Perry loathing pop music elitist, I’ve been known to rock out to Ashley Tisdale when nobody is looking. When nobody is looking? I suppose it should be clarified that when I say “I have no shame”, I mean that if you caught me engaging in such rocking out…I would curl up into a little ball and cry. Or I’d just tell you about my alter-ego. She is a teenage girl named Boulangerie, the lost little sister of Beyonce and Solange Knowles. She is the ultimate excuse for my affinity for all things grown men should be ashamed of loving. Keep her in mind as you read this post.

Allegra, a 17 year-old from Chicago who is fortunate to not be named Valtrex, has found a special place in my…um, Boulangerie’s heart. I received an e-mail about her new single “Comic Book Luv”. On this tune, our heroine calls for a man who’s “strong like the Hulk” to love her, lamenting that she’s “so sick and tired of evil villains” toying with her emotions. Sure, one could consider this a little contrived, but let’s keep in mind that the subject matter is appropriate for a 17 year-old girl to sing about. However, The Gift‘s production on this song is a little too “grown & sexy” and inappropriate, recalling the baby-making, hip-gyrating properties of “Bed” (J. Holiday) and “Falsetto” (The Dream). On one hand, this is a compliment, as The Gift’s production is (overall) on par with such in-demand producers as Tricky Stewart and Polow Da Don. But the other hand realizes that there’s nothing Lolita about Allegra’s comic book fantasies, unless one considers the line “I can be the Robin to his Batman” as a reference to butt secks. Jokes aside, this is a refreshingly age-appropriate track for a young singer, and it appears that Lil Mama and Teyana Taylor have some competition.

With all that said, “Comic Book Luv” wasn’t the song that won me over on Allegra. Two other songs were in the e-mail I received, “Get Wit It” and “Dream House”. The latter chronicles Allegra’s quest for the Ken to her Barbie. She has everything (a dream house, small waist, closet full of clothes, etcetera), but the one thing missing from her life is a man. Okay. Obviously this isn’t the most conceptually mind-blowing song and it’s contrary to the whole “I don’t need a man to be happy” mantra established by Destiny’s Child and similar groups in 1999-2000, but Allegra admits it—“I’m real, not realistic”. Truer words have never come out of a teenager’s mouth in reference to the general teenage population. Practicality isn’t a teenage forte. Some teenagers can have everything, but the absence of one thing—whether it be the latest sneakers, that blouse from Anthropologie, or (in this case) a significant other—can signal their own personal apocalypse. Wait, I’m getting too philosophical about this, and it ain’t that deep. This song is just awesome because it makes references to Aqua’s “Barbie Girl”. Sadly, this isn’t the first time “Barbie Girl” has been mentioned on this blog. And I blame Boulangerie.

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BONUS TRACK: ALLEGRA – Comic Book Luv (Z – YSI)
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- SPACE IT -

ugk & akon: hard as hell.

COCK!!
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dl: UGK f/ AKON – Hard As Hell (Z – YSI)
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In my entire high school and college career, I managed to work at least one phallic reference into almost every art history paper I wrote. So when a mainstream hip-hop single about penises pops up in my inbox, I am not going to pass up an opportunity to write about it!

When I first spotted “Hard As Hell” in my inbox, my mind didn’t immediately go to a sexual place. Being that this is the first single off of UGK‘s new album UGK For Life, I assumed that the group would go for something “deeper” after Pimp C‘s death. It’s easy to imagine that a song called “Hard As Hell” could be about, well…life.

But no! It’s about penises and cumming on faces. My favorite part is when Akon adlibs “in your eye”. This ain’t no “International Player’s Anthem”, but I wouldn’t be offended if it were bumping out of car windows for the rest of the summer.

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– BUY IT – SITE IT – SPACE IT – WIK IT – LAST IT – HYPE IT -

um, queen of the south?

Well, half of this internet doesn’t even know who I am, and the other half only like me because I gave them a bunch of old MGMT songs. So that’s not good. To all the people whose feelings that got hurt by the Queen of the South Chronicles, I’m really sorry. You know, I’ve been writing this blog for over two years, and when I think about how many people wanted that crown…and how many people cried over it, put out mixtapes and stuff…I mean, I think every bitch looks like they could be the baddest tonight. Look at Trina. That ass is amazing. And La Chat, I mean, your new album must have taken hours. And it’s probably pretty good. So…why is everybody stressing over this thing? I mean, it’s just plastic. Could really just…

::Queen of the South crown breaks::


Share it. A piece for Princess, a partial Southern Queen. A piece for Trina. And a piece for Khia. She was once reported to be killed by her boyfriend because she gave him AIDs, and she still looks like a rap star. Thank you. And some for the rest of yall. Except for Jacki-O. You ain’t gettin’ shit.

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KHIA – Wacki-O (YSI): It’s almost hip-hop sacrilege that Khia jumped on the “Hit Em Up” beat. It’s a bold move, almost a little inappropriate given the background of the original tune. However, Khia brings a comedy to her diss track. From what I understand, this version of the track was released after Jacki-O and her crew wore “Fuck Khia” t-shirts to the Ozone Awards. Towards the end of the track, she thanks them for the free promotion. It’s funny because despite not being loved by everyone, Khia has remained relevant among the pop-culture crowd for the controversy she stirs up. I guarantee that half of those same people can’t even name a Jacki-O single. Hell, I can’t even name a Jacki-O single.

KHIA – Whistle On It (YSI): The description of this song isn’t suitable for children or the weak of heart. You were warned…The moment I heard this song’s title, I got a really vivid (ew) image of someone whistling onto a vagina. It wouldn’t be out of the ordinary coming from someone who once spit the lines “Pussy leaking like a faucet, won’t you come and fix it?” and “How you sucking on my pussy like a chicken bone…cause I’m gonna blow on your dick like a saxophone” I’m not the only person who thinks like this. When I told my friend that one of Khia’s new songs was called “Put That Pussy On His Ass” he replied, “It’s like a vagina giving someone’s ass a rimjob.” But that’s not the point here. “Whistle On it” is actually a pretty incredible song, somehow managing to incorporate southern rap trends while transcending above them. With a combination of porno samples, playground handgames, and XXX verses, this is the perfect jam for your next dance party…or, um, that strip club you own. NASTI MUSIK ‘O8!!

TRINA – Killing You Hoes (Twice As Nice remix) (YSI): For some reason, Khia likes to say that her new album Nasti Muzik is “the best pussy you eva had in your life!!” Trina would beg to differ. On this remix of a track from Still Da Baddest, Trina states that she “got the best pussy out, and there ain’t nothing you can do about it.” I don’t really understand why these two debate over the superiority of their Cindy Va-Loo-Hoos, but I enjoy listening to them do so.

TRINA f/ MISSY ELLIOTT – I Got A Bottle (YSI): This is one of those rare songs by Trina in which she doesn’t mention her ass or poon, but somehow manages to turn out a great party song. I say this with an extreme bias because I hate when Trina makes love-related songs. You can’t claim to be “the baddest bitch” with that sort of vulnerability, you know? Though this was rumored to be the first single from the album, it was shelfed for two lame love-related songs. Luckily, the doggy-style anthem “Look Back At Me” will be released as her next single. According to such reliable sources as wikipedia, the music video will be debuting tomorrow.

PRINCESS f/ LIL WAYNE – Throne (YSI): With the help of a sample from “Stuntin’ Like My Daddy”, Princess of Crime Mob subtly makes her claim for the crown. This track can be summed up by the line, “friendly competition, yeah it is, but I’ma win it still.” While I love the antagonistic bitchiness that Khia and Trina bring to the table, it’s refreshing to see some positive energy among these ladies.

PRINCESS – A Milli (YSI): I originally was going to include “Pretty Rave Girl” with this post, but I know all of you were wondering where you could find another “A Milli” freestyle.

GANGSTA BOO – Queen of the South (YSI): I’ve been in love with former Three Six Mafia member Gangsta Boo ever since “Where Dem Dollars At?”, but my love grew even stronger when I somehow got linked off of VIBE.com’s blog and VH1′s Best Week Ever blog after featuring her. On this tune, Ms. Lola Mitchell doesn’t just claim the title of queen of the south. She just takes the title, as if it is obvious that it’s been hers all along. I really like this quote from her, even if it makes me a little confused as to why she recorded this song—“I’ve already been gold. I’ve already been on multi-platinum albums. Outkast, Lil’ Jon and all of that. So, why would I focus on a female that has not sold one record, who calls herself the queen of the South? What up? Do your thing, but I consider us all queens. I swear to God. I do not look at little “mini-me’s” as my competition.”

LA CHAT & GANGSTA BOO – I’d Rather Get Some Bread (YSI): On this track, the two former female members of Three Six Mafia jump on their old group’s track. It’s not a diss-track, it’s a female version.

LA CHAT f/ MURPHY LEE – Do Ya Dance (YSI): Admittedly, I’ve always been disappointed by La Chat‘s production. I find the sound of her low, drawl flow intriguing, but I’ve yet to hear a solo track that really suits her. Whatevs, yay for Memphis.

RISKAY – Fuck Boi (YSI): This has been my guilty pleasure for the past week or two. The intro line “Oh no she didn’t! Oh yes she did!” reminds me of how I felt when I first heard “Smell Yo Dick”. I think Riskay’s is far from being eligible as a queen of the south, she’s come a long way since those skanky photos with the lollipop. Good work cleaning up, girl!

MISS KEKE – Debit Or Credit (YSI): I posted the original version of this track last year, and I don’t really understand why they gave it a makeover. There was a playful, cartoonish quality to the original that matched the ridiculous concept of the song. Miss Keke seems to be taking herself too seriously here, but I still hope she can manage to sneak in and nab a tiny piece of that crown.

RASHEEDA – A Milli (YSI): Because you needed another one?

ANQUETTE – Throw That P (YSI): In 1986, Anquette popped up on the Miami scene with their response to 2 Live Crew‘s “Throw That D”. I suppose longevity of career would be required for them to have any claim to the crown, but I thought an honorable mention for them and L’Trimm was quite necessary.

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DOWNLOAD ZIP OF UM, QUEENS OF THE SOUTH? (YSI)

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