Now Presenting: The 2015 Pre-Ghosties

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Welcome to the second annual Pre-Ghosties! This thrilling award show was created in January 2014 as a direct response to the poor decisions of the National Academy of Recording Arts and Sciences. You won’t have to sit through thousands of questionably bland live performances to find out who wins, and most likely, we won’t give any awards to blatant homophobes, members of the Church of Scientology or gay substitute teachers for Adele.

Unfortunately, we also won’t be giving any awards to Beyoncé for the following reasons—1) Her album technically came out in 2013, 2) We don’t have weird cutoff date ranges like the action Grammy Awards, and 3) “7/11” is a fun song, but spoiler alert, it wasn’t fun enough to win in its category. We hope that’s a sufficient explanation for the Bey Hive and Kanye West, because we assure you that we are, indeed, bitches who bow down.

Now that we’ve got that out of the way, let’s move on to this year’s nominees and winners! Please that note that, if you are unfamiliar with any of the artists below, you can click the name of their song or album to take a quick listen. Additionally, a sampler of all nominees can be heard on Spotify… And, well, if it’s not one-hundred percent obvious, winners are presented in bold text.

PRE-GHOST ALBUM OF THE YEAR:

 
PRE-GHOST SONG OF THE YEAR:

 
PRE-GHOST “I LOVE TV SO MUCH, YOU GUYS” AWARD:

 
PRE-GHOST REMIX OF THE YEAR:

 
PRE-GHOST COLLABORATION OF THE YEAR:

 
PRE-GHOST HIP-HOP TRACK OF THE YEAR:

 
PRE-GHOST TINASHE OF THE YEAR:

 
PRE-GHOST ANGSTY, EMO AND/OR LOUD SONG AWARD:

 
PRE-GHOST VOCAL PERFORMANCE BY A DUO OR BAND:

 
PRE-GHOST SOLO INDIE/ROCK VOCAL PERFORMANCE:

 
PRE-GHOST SCENE-STEALING RAP VERSE ON A COLLABORATION:

 
PRE-GHOST SASSY SONG FOR PRACTICING YOUR RUNWAY WALK IN CROSSWALKS:

 
PRE-GHOST HAPPY SONG FOR HAPPY PEOPLE WITH HAPPY BALLS WHO CLAP ALONG TO SONGS IF THEY FEEL LIKE A ROOM WITHOUT A ROOF:

 
PRE-GHOST SEXIEST SONG THAT MAY OR MAY NOT HAVE SEXY LYRIC CONTENT:

 
 PRE-GHOST COUNTRY SONG OF THE YEAR:

 
PRE-GHOST SEEMINGLY HIDDEN SONG BY A ONCE POPULAR R&B ARTIST THAT IS ACTUALLY VERY, VERY GOOD:

 
PRE-GHOST ELECTRONIC PRODUCTION WHATEVER AWARD:

 
PRE-GHOST AWARD FOR TREY SONGZ, BECAUSE I FEEL SO BAD FOR HIM, BECAUSE HE GENUINELY SOUNDS CONFUSED ABOUT THE LOGIC OF CAKE AND MENUS:

  • Trey Songz – “Cake